Ever wonder why people with kids seem to take forever to get anywhere or are late, more often than not? Well, here I give you, Exhibit A: My crazy morning, or why I’m always late.
4:30 a.m. Wake up to the
ear-piercing screech of a dirty, hungry ten month old gentle, cooing sounds of the baby over the monitor. She’s been out for nine hours and it’s time for her early morning diaper change and a little snack.
4:45 a.m. Back to bed I go. Zzzzzzzzzzz…
6:22 a.m. Monitor number two goes off for the big one. He’s singing something about cars or lions. And talking about weed eaters and poop in his pull-up. Meanwhile, hubby realizes he’s late for work. Forgot to set the alarm last night. Jumps out of bed and into shower. I, however, stay in bed. Not ready to get up.
6:45 a.m. Hubby out of the shower says he better go get the boy since he has escalated to pounding on his door. And whining. I hate the sound of him whining.
6:53 a.m. Hubby brings me a fresh, hot cup of coffee, God bless him, and sets it down on my nightstand. Because I’m still lying in bed. I don’t want to get up.
6:53:04 a.m. Baby now making sounds. Ugh. Why do they all get up so early? Don’t they know mommy wants to sleep?
6:56 a.m. “Hi mommy!” Open eyes. See child staring at me. “You gonna get up, mommy? Get up, mommy. Is this your coffee, mommy?” “Yes! Wait, don’t touch…” Too late. Coffee is picked up by two year old and spills all over my nightstand, iPod and phone. Nice. Still lying down, I grab the coffee cup from the kid. Tell him to go get mommy a towel from the bathroom. He brings a wet washcloth. Of course.
6:58 a.m. Daddy appears from the other room with a clean, dry towel. Takes cup from me and I finally sit up to clean the mess.
6:59 a.m. Get on my feet. Must start the day. Pee. Wash my face. Put on robe. Go get sister.
7:05 a.m. Kiss daddy good bye. Boy, I hate to see him go. Put sister in the castle.
7:15 a.m. Pour kid bowl of cereal and a glass of water and set him up at the table.
7:22 a.m. Get sister out of the castle. Sit on couch. Turn on Today and nurse her.
7:33 a.m. Pour kid second bowl of cereal. Good grief, he’s hungry today, little beggar.
7:38 a.m. Put sister back in the castle so I can get dressed. Turn on Veggie Tale’s for the boy.
7:40 a.m. Pour second cup of coffee. Get sister back out of the castle. Nurse a little more. Watch some Veggie Tales and drink my coffee. Eat some cereal. Share cereal with boy. Who still wants to eat.
8:18 a.m. Put sister in the castle. Go to my room to get dressed, since it hasn’t actually happened yet.
8:20 a.m. Search for yoga pants. I know they are around somewhere.
8:22 a.m. Put on sports bra and shirt. Still looking for pants. Man, my shirt stinks. And my bra is too tight.
8:28 a.m. Change into different sports bra and shirt, give up the search and put on leggings with shorts. And gym shoes.
8:32 a.m. Time to get the boy dressed.
8:34 a.m. Take him out of diaper. He wants to pee on the potty. Of course he does.
8:38 a.m. Washing his hands.
8:41 a.m. Finally getting him dressed. “No, you have to wear a pull-up to the gym, baby.”
8:50 a.m. Go get sister from the castle. Put her on changing table. Pull off her diaper. She’s doing this weird cough thing. Why is she coughing like that? “What’s wrong, baby girl? Are you okay? Are you choking?!” Eyes wide, watery, still coughing. Pick her up. Finger sweep baby’s mouth. Don’t feel a thing. But initiate gag reflex to cause puking. Flip her over, start pounding on her back as she pukes on my arm and the floor. Check mouth again and pull out what appears to be an L-shaped grape stem about a 1/2″ long. “I need to vacuum the hell outta this house today.” Yep. I said that to myself. Out loud.
8:56 a.m. Finish changing sister. I think she’s okay. Walk out of her room to an eerily quiet house. Crap, where is he?
8:57 a.m. See door to garage open. Walk into garage. There he is. In the truck. In his car seat. Ready to go to the gym. Oh, yes. He is.
8:58 a.m. Put sister in her car seat. She starts crying. She could probably take a nap. Maybe she’ll make it long enough for me to work out at least 30 minutes. We’ll try it.
9:10 a.m. Sign both kids in at the nursery.
9:55 a.m. Sign them both out. She did fine.
10:02 a.m. Head home. Time for sister’s nap.
I could go on, but really. It’s just me putting sister down, talking to the neighbor, fighting with my son to obey, doing the breakfast dishes and other fun stuff like that. Guess today was just your typical chaotic, day before a holiday, morning around here. Or typical morning. Hoping that tomorrow is a little less chaotic. Or maybe doesn’t start so early. Or at least has no choking babies.
From my crazy world to yours,