The Crash

I’ve been playing Words With Friends through this whole ordeal (what else is new?) and a friend asked how I was feeling yesterday (right before I slaughtered her…hehe) through the text message feature of the app.  I feel bad because I never answered her.  Because I couldn’t quite sum up succinctly enough to convey in a WWF text message how I’ve been feeling.

Suffice it to say, it’s been a rough week.

And I haven’t updated here in a couple of days either. Because I’ve just been trying to get by. And to wrap my head around what has been happening to me. And to muster up the energy to take care of my son and play a few rounds of Words with Friends is a lot for me right now. Thankfully my mom has been a welcome help this week when M was on shift.  I’m really glad she’s so close and loves me and my kid. Otherwise I don’t know what I’d do. I know I couldn’t do this without her help, that’s for sure.

And I’ve been thinking a lot about it all. This whole experience. About how I feel.

Physically. Emotionally. Mentally.

And I gotta say, I’m spent.

So as I stated in a previous post, the one thing I dreaded more than the actual steroid trip was the crash afterward.  I had so many questions. What would it entail? Would I simply be tired?

I wish it were so.

Since my last dose of steroids, two days ago, I’ve been on what feels like one big ride downward. My energy was already pretty much in the crapper by the fifth day of treatment and it has been flushed a few times since then.

The best way I can describe it so you have any clue of a comparison is like having the flu. Or, the flu on steroids.

At any given time in the last two days I’ve felt any combination of the following:

Tired. Weak. Dizzy. Nauseated. Pain. Sore. Achy. Weak. Dizzy. Sore.

The most surprising thing so far is the pain I feel in my muscles. It’s as if I were in a fight. Although I’ve never been in a fight, so it’s what I imagine I might feel like had I been in one. I have had a deep tissue massage though and it kind of feels like that. After a deep tissue massage, my muscles are always tender and sore for the next day or so.  I generally don’t get deep tissue massages for that very reason. They hurt.

I hurt.

From my back to my front, my muscles hurt. Even in my throat. My neck. My arms, stomach, legs. It all just hurts.

My mom hugged me tonight and I winced in pain. Because I feel bruised. I will be glad when this part is done.

The one thing that doesn’t hurt anymore is my eye. And I can pretty much see again. So there’s that. At least.

I will be glad to get some energy back.  My body is tired. I’m tired.


And that’s why I couldn’t answer you in our little WWF chat the other day.

Because that’s how I’m feeling.

Thanks for asking, friend.

This entry was posted in Health, life, Multiple Sclerosis and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to The Crash

  1. Carol Selby says:

    As your Mom, I am so sorry you are having to go through this. For the record, you have been a trooper through it all and you haven’t given in to the pain and frustration. I’ve been amazed at your attitude through this and am proud of you. Hope this passes soon.

  2. lindseymichelle says:

    What would we do without our mommas, huh? We wouldn’t just crash, we’d crash and burn! Hope you are feeling back to normal next week!

  3. juicebardiva says:

    I hope you are doing okay. I’ve been following your progress and I pray that God is giving you the strength you need to get through each day. You are in my prayers and I know that through him you will be okay, he can do all things. I know I am further away but if you ever need help, please let me know. I have a lot of flexibility and would be happy to help out, even if it’s to pop down and bring some dinner or something for you guys.

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