Love Language

I think my love language has changed. Can that happen?

When we were first married, we took this marriage class offered by my church. In it, we discussed the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and figured out what our language was based on the little survey at the back of the book. (You can take it online.)

Funny thing, mine and Marcus’ were exactly the same. Which sure makes life a lot easier. It’s extremely insightful to helping you understand how to relate to your spouse in their love language. In other words, how can I best show love to my spouse so that they feel loved.

So since we’ve been married a couple of years now, and have increased our family, I wondered if my language had changed. Because I’ve changed. So last night, I took the test again, and wouldn’t you know it, my hypothesis was correct. Apparently I have a new love language – Quality Time.

So here’s how my new list shakes out in order of importance…

1. Quality Time
2. Physical Touch
3. Words of Affirmation
4. Acts of Service
5. Receiving Gifts

Here’s how it looked when we were first married…

1. Physical Touch
2. Words of Affirmation
3. Acts of Service
4. Quality Time
5. Receiving Gifts

I find it fascinating that Quality Time jumped from 4th to 1st in importance. Physical Touch, while it moved down one notch, is a very close second and while it may not be primary, is still extremely important.

As best as I can figure, my need (or desire) for quality time with my husband is a direct result of his job schedule. Because he’s a paramedic, he works 24-hour shifts, sometimes 48-hours in a row. I miss him when he’s at work. And I cherish the time he’s off. I just love spending time with him. He’s good company. Many nights we never turn on the t.v. and instead sit on the sofa and just talk. I love those times.

You know what we did for Valentine’s Day? We ran errands together. They were mostly things he could have done by himself, but it was important to me to spend time with him. That was better than any gift of roses or chocolates he could have given me. Because he gave me himself.

Caveat: Now don’t get me wrong. I love it when he gives me roses and chocolates and other thoughtful gifts, but it’s certainly not what I consider most important when it comes to our relationship. And knowing he loves me.

I’ll be interested to do this again in a couple of years to see how, or if, I’ve changed. I have a feeling I might. And I’m okay with that.

What’s your love language?

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3 Responses to Love Language

  1. Jennie Madsen says:

    Makes sense to me — b/c in addition to his job schedule, you also have a baby and caring for an infant can just suck the time right out of the day and you have no idea what you’ve even done — you know it was worthwhile — but what exactly did you do?

    For years I have longed to go grocery shopping alone with Sean.

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