Okay, so it’s been two weeks since Marcus quit his job, and so far he’s not found a replacement. He’s taught out at the college a few times and has kept mowing lawns. But I feel like we’re at a crossroads.

Where Fear and Faith collide.

I know he’ll find a job. Eventually. So I should just chill out and not worry. That’s what the Lord says to do in Matthew 6. “Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you as well.”  In my mind I know this. But frankly, as the bills pile up, that’s getting harder to do. Fear is taking root and playing games with my mind.

I’ve had some questions tumbling around in my head, like: Is fear a good thing to spur us to action or is it faithlessness? Is having no fear simply ignorance and irresponsibility? Should I start looking for a job, too?  I felt very strongly back in July, that my job was to stay home and be a mom to Eli, but what about now?

I wish I could just know the plan. Like having a direct message chat with God where He tells me exactly what to do. That would be nice. I guess what I have to remember is that sometimes He doesn’t shout the answer. Sometimes it’s but a whisper. I just have to listen.

Of course, it would be great if He’d answer before the mortgage is due in November. Just sayin’.

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