So my last post was written on the day I was scheduled to start a new job. Eli was only 7 weeks old and the job was 60 miles away in Houston. Incidentally, it was about 5 minutes from my old apartment. I was hired for this job after it sort of fell into my lap. I was offered good money, good benefits and given the fact that my husband just resigned his Captain position, essentially leading to a $20K/year pay cut, we needed the money. At least I thought we did.
So given the impeccable timing and incredible offer, this job seemed like it was straight from God. At least that’s what I thought at first. But once I accepted, it all got very complicated. You see, there were many things that would have to change as a result. We would have to sell our house and move north. Not a terrible thing, mind you. Change can be a good thing. But still, getting used to having a newborn, dealing with sleep deprivation, recovering from gallbladder surgery, starting a new job, commuting at least 4 hours a day, working 9-10 hours a day, preparing the house to sell, dealing with trying to sell, trying to find a place to live, packing, and moving was all very overwhelming. What was I getting myself into for the sake of “financial security”?
It’s not that I’m against working, mind you, I just felt like there was so much stacking up against this particular job, that it wasn’t … well … the right job.
Perhaps I was already engaged in the job God had designed for me a long time ago – to be a mom.
I wrestled with knowing what to do. Maybe I’m just a big wimp and should have sucked it up and went to work. Maybe it was just a test to see if we really trusted God to provide. Either way, the decision for me to stay home with Eli was made after weeks of stress, contemplation, prayer, counsel with friends and family, heck, even counsel with our pastor. I believe God would have blessed us either way, but this way He really gets all the Glory.
So that’s it. Our course is set. We can’t do it on our own, it’s completely up to God to fill the gap.
For the first time in our lives, we are REALLY, TRULY trusting God to provide more than we can provide ourselves. On paper, we can’t afford to buy groceries, let alone pay the mortgage. On paper, there’s no way we’ll survive. I get anxious just thinking about it.
But here we are, two months later, and we have food in the fridge and a roof over our heads. All I can say is … paper has NOTHING on my God!
He’s far exceeded our expectations and our need. There are likely to be rough times ahead, but I have more peace about this than I did about going to work. I know that God will provide because I’ve seen how he provided for my grandparents’ mission work in the Philippines, and for my parents, and for me over the years. Now He is providing for my family in extraordinary, imaginative ways that I never could have on my own. The best part is watching and waiting to see just how He’s gonna do it. What an adventure! I feel like we’re really living now.
My reason for this post is to put it out there. Not to gain sympathy or handouts, but to let you know what God is doing in our lives.
How big He is.
How much He cares.
And for HIS GLORY.
Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness.
25“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]?
28“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.